Lecture 8 Development of Cultural Interests (Concluding Lecture)

Lecture 8 

Development of Cultural Interests 

 
Parents who think that cultural education is the exclusive obligation of the school and society and that the family need do nothing in this area are mistaken. One sometimes sees families who pay attention to the children's food, clothing and play... but who say that the child has enough culture in school...

Cultural education in the family is easy if parents believe that culture is necessary - not only for children! ... Where parents themselves do not read newspapers or books, do not go to the theatre or movies, are not interested in exhibits or museums, obviously it will be difficult to carry on cultural education for the child. Such parents would not really try to do so, their efforts would be insincere and artificial; the child would understand that his parents do not consider this really important.

On the contrary, in those families in which the parents themselves are living active, cultured lives, where papers and books are a necessary part of their existence, where questions of theatre and movies are touched upon in a lively way at home, there cultural education will take place when the parents may not even be thinking about it...

Cultural education must begin very early, when the child is not yet literate, when he can only observe, listen and talk a little.

A well-told story is the beginning of cultural education. Every family should have collections of stories on the bookshelf ... Perhaps the parents know stories heard in their youth. ...The choice of the story is of great importance. We must throw out stories about evil forces, devils, baba yaga (witches), goblins, etc. ...The best stories for the very young are animal tales... In general one should choose stories which stimulate energy, faith in one's own power, an optimistic view of life and hope for the future. Sympathy
for the oppressed must not be accompanied by pictures of despair...

A significant turning point appears at the time of learning to read. Usually this happens in the children's collective - in school. The child enters into the realm of books and the printed word, sometimes reluctantly, surmounting the technical problems with difficulty. We must not force the child, but not encourage laziness either; we must encourage him to struggle. Books with large print and many illustrations must be acquired at home. Even if the child cannot read them yet, they will stimulate an interest in study and a desire to learn to read...

The general cultural tone of the family has a great effect on the child's school work, on the quality and vigor of his study...

Newspapers  

Even when children can only listen to reading, newspapers make an impression...Reading the newspaper should not be done apart from the children; parents can find material which can be read aloud and discussed in their presence, even if it is not especially written for children.

It is even better if the reading is done in such a way that it does not seem to be directed especially to the children. They will listen even more attentively if it is done casually. In any paper there will be international affairs, heroic achievements of workers... The family discussion of what is being read should be free, never formal, or in a special pedantic tone... It is even better if such talks arise unexpectedly, apropos of some household event, or one may simply ask what there was of interest in the paper...

Books  

Acquaintance with books must also begin with reading aloud and later, even when the child can read well, reading aloud should continue, should be part of the general family program and should become a habitual and constant part of both leisure and work days. If parents do the reading at first, the task will be taken on by the children later. Reading aloud should not be done especially for the child but for the family circle, to stimulate collective opinion and expression of ideas. Only with the help of such collective study may we direct the reading taste of the child and develop in him the habit of reading critically. In addition to reading aloud one must inoculate the child with a desire to sit down by himself with a book....  

Parents must pay attention to what their child reads, even when he is in school...they must know how he reads...whether he thoughtlessly turns pages only for the plot...what books he chooses...whether he takes good care of them...

Movies  

In our time movies are an immensely important educational medium, not only for children but also for adults. In the Soviet Union all films are made in government studios and our films are a beautiful and highly artistic means of education. Nevertheless, this does not mean that children can see movies in unlimited quantity or without control... The child may become accustomed to passive pleasure - the artistic impression runs over the surface, does not involve him, arouse any ideas or questions. Such movie going is insignificant and sometimes harmful... We recommend that children go to the movies no more than twice a month and see only films suitable for their age. Before the 14th or 15th year children should always go with parents or with older brothers or sisters. This is necessary, not for the control of behavior, but so that what they have seen may be a subject for discussion and conversation. The child should describe his ideas, talk about what pleased him and what did not please him, what strong impressions he carried away... If parents see that the child carries away only external, entertaining aspects, the adventures of this or that hero, they should, by the help of one or two questions, bring to the child the deeper and more important aspects of the film. Sometimes it is not even necessary to ask questions but only to express opinions in the child's presence.

To a considerable degree parents should choose the films they want their children to see....some pictures may be beyond the child's understanding, some may arouse wrong reactions... In choosing films, the child's school work, behavior and condition should be taken into account.

Theatre  

Everything that has been said about movies applies to the theatres, but the theatre much more often presents subjects unsuitable for a child. Such plays as "Othello" or "Anna Karenina" should be absolutely forbidden for middle school ages. Care should be taken in recommending ballets also. In our society, this is achieved by forbidding admission of children to evening performances before the proper age.

The question of theatre is not difficult, for in many cities we have special theatres for children with a special repertoire. Going to these theatres is highly desirable...

Plays require a very serious and prolonged effort of attention. They are more complicated than movies... Theatre-going needs careful planning and even more than a film a play should be discussed, analyzed...  

Museums and Exhibitions  

Museum exhibits and art galleries are very important educational media...They help to organize the child's intellectual experiences, arouse deep feeling. One should look carefully in a museum, not merely gape...Do not try to see too much at one time.

Other Forms of Cultural Education  

We have glanced at only the main forms of cultural education, those organized by the Soviet government. Parents do not need to be inventive in these areas, they only have to make the best use of all the cultural facilities of our land. If parents make full use of newspapers, movies, books, theatres and museums they will do much for their children in the sphere of knowledge and character-building...

But many parents do even more...Walks in the country, becoming acquainted with nature, with towns, with people, reconstruction, building houses, laying roads, building factories -- all these are wonderful subjects for a day of leisure. But an excursion must remain an excursion, recreation - there is no need to force the child's attention and compel him to listen to speeches.

During these excursions a few words will reinforce impressions, a joke, a story drawing a parallel with the past or a humorous tale will accomplish its purpose unnoticed...

By all means the family must encourage an interest in sports and an interest that will not be that of a frustrated spectator. If your son shouts at every football match with heated intensity, knows the names of all those who have made records, and all the figures of records, but does not take part himself in even one physical culture circle, does not skate, ski, does not play volley ball - his interest in sports is nearly useless and sometimes actually harmful. There is little sense in his interest in chess if your child doesn't play it! Every family should try to see that its children become not only interested but actually participants in sports. It is better if parents themselves take part. For older parents, such a demand may be too late - but young parents have every possibility and in such cases the road to sports for their children will be much easier... Our mothers seldom participate in sport, yet this is very useful for young women. Also our girls are drawn into sports less than the boys...

There are also such types of cultural education as putting on shows at home, producing wall newspapers, keeping diaries, carrying on correspondence with friends, participation in political campaigns, improving the home, organizing children in the yard for meetings, games excursions, etc.

We must always try to achieve the greatest participation on the part of the children, to educate them not only to observe and to listen but also to hope, want, achieve, aim for victory, overcome obstacles, and to draw in their comrades and younger children.

It often happens that the first success in one type of activity or another arouses an exaggerated idea about their own abilities, scorn for others; they may expect quick victories and then will be unable to overcome obstacles...   Parents should plan for the future activities with the child and see that the plan is carried out. Reading books and papers, going to movies and theatre, etc. should be part of this plan... Cultural education can be made very interesting if all these methods are used...It requires resourcefulness from parents... Older children should learn to keep an album of clippings on certain subjects... All this work should be directed toward political and cultural activity. Children should, ever more and more, feel themselves citizens of our land, see its heroic victories, its enemies, know to whom they owe their conscious, cultural life.  

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Lecture 7 Sex Education

Lecture 7 

Sex Education 

 
Sex education is considered one of the most difficult pedagogical problems and there has been more confusion and more wrong ideas about this question than about any other. And yet the problem is not really so difficult in practice; in many families it is resolved very simply. (Sex education becomes difficult when it is overemphasized, undertaken apart from general questions of child education.)

The problems of sex education in the family will be correctly solved if the parents have a clear conception of what they are seeking to achieve. If the goal is clear to the parents, the road to its achievement will also become clear.

Every human being attaining a certain age, lives a sex life but sex life is lived not only by mankind - it is a necessary part of the life of most living substance. The sex life of man should be essentially differentiated from the sex life of animals. Sex education should be concerned with these differences...

Man has developed not only as a zoological species but as a social being. During the course of this development mankind has worked out standards of morality in many spheres of human relationships including that of sex. In a class society, these ideals are often violated. Such violations are inherent in the very structure of the family in such a society, that is, in the position of women and the despotic power of the male. We know that in some countries buying and selling of women goes on even now; in polygamy women are looked upon only as objects of man's pleasure; in such ugly practices as prostitution man simply buys woman's favor. We know, too, of situations where husband and wife are compelled to live together whether they want to or not.

The October socialist revolution freed the Soviet family from bondage, freed woman from many forms of degradation by man... Only after the October revolution could sex life approximate the ideal about which mankind has dreamed.

Some people wrongly understood this new freedom. They decided that sex life should be carried on in the haphazard changing about of married couples, so-called "free love."

Such sex life unfailingly coarsens human relationships, vulgarizing them and leading to disintegration of the individual, to unhappiness, to the destruction of the family and orphaning of children...

In his relations with women or men, a Soviet man may not ignore the requirements of social morality which always stand guard over the interests of the whole society. In the sphere of sex, this social morality makes definite demands on every citizen. Parents must bring up the children so that they will become people whose behavior does not conflict with social morality.

In matters of sex, social morality demands that the sex life of human beings, men and women, be in harmony with two aspects of life: with the family and with love. Social morality recognizes sex as truly moral when it is based on mutual love expressed in the family; that is, in the open civil union of man and woman, a union which has two aims: human happiness and the bearing and rearing of children.  The aim of sex education then must be to bring up children so that only in love will they be able to find a satisfying sex life, and so that this satisfaction, this love and happiness, will be realized in the family...

Correct sex education, like all character training, is achieved at every step if the general organization of family life is right, if a real Soviet man is growing up under the parent's guidance... Therefore, some special methods of sex education are not the decisive factor but the entire point of view, the picture of the bringing up as a whole. And so by developing honesty, industry, sincerity, straightforwardness, habits of cleanliness, of telling the truth, respect for other people - for their experience and for their interests - love of country, devotion to the ideas of the socialist revolution, we are, at the same time, educating the child in sex relations. Some of these methods are more pertinent than others to sex education but all taken together contribute to your success...to bringing up the future husband or wife...

There are also special methods particularly intended for sex education. Some people think only of these and consider that they contain the greatest wisdom of pedagogy... Some proponents of these theories state that all upbringing of boys and girls is, in essence, sex education... They worry for fear the youth will not be wisely prepared, will be ashamed, see something secret in sex life. They say that if the child understands everything and if all is explained, if he sees nothing to be ashamed about in sex, he has been correctly brought up in this sphere...

Such advice must be considered cautiously...True, the child often asks where babies come from, but the fact that the child is interested in this question does not mean that, at an early age, everything must be made completely clear to him in detail. It is not only in matters of sex that there are some things the child does not know... We do not rush to burden his mind with things beyond his understanding...There is no special pressing interest in sex questions in the young child. This arises at puberty...questions about the "secrets" of childbirth do not contain sexual curiosity... If we begin to give intimate details about the relations between men and women we encourage curiosity about sex and arouse the child's imagination too early...

There are other reasons for opposing too early discussion of sex questions with children: frank and premature discussion of these questions leads the child to a coarse, rationalistic view of sex, lays the foundation for the cynicism with which adults sometimes so lightly share their very intimate sex experiences with others. In these discussions, sex life is presented in a narrow physiological form, not ennobled by the theme of love...

When talking with an older son or daughter about sex life, its dependence on love can be established and a deep human, esthetic and social respect for these questions can be developed...

Sex education should be education for love, the cultivation of deep feeling, which beautifies the whole of life, its strivings and hopes...

How can this kind of sex education be carried on? Examples are most important. Genuine love between father and mother, their respect for one another, helpfulness and solicitude, observable manifestations of affection and tenderness; if this has been under the eyes of the children from the first years it will be a great factor.

Another important factor is the general development of the feeling of love. If the child has not learned to love his parents, brothers, and sisters, his school, his country; if crude egotism has begun to develop, it is hard to believe that he will be able deeply to love the woman he chooses. Such people often appear to have very strong sex feelings, but are inclined not to respect those who attract them, not to value their spiritual life or even to be interested in it. Therefore, they lightly transfer their affections and are often not far from depravity. This happens, of course, not only with men but also with women.

Love that is not sexual, friendship, long-lasting attachments to certain people, experienced in childhood, love of country instilled at an early age - this develops the capacity for high social relationships with women friends, and without such relationships it is difficult to acquire discipline and control in the sphere of sex...

We advise parents to pay serious attention to the question of children's feelings toward other people and toward society. Be careful to see that children have friends - brothers, comrades, that their relations to these friends is not casual and egoistic...

A boy or girl should be accustomed from childhood to order, not be indulged in a disorderly and irresponsible way of life; such habits will be carried over to the relations between men and women...

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Lecture 6 Work Education

Lecture 6 

Work Education 

One cannot imagine bringing up Soviet children without work. Work has always been the basis for human life, the creator of man's well-being and culture.

In our country, work has ceased to be exploitative. It has become a matter of honor, glory, heroism and valor. Ours is a worker's government and the constitution states that "he who does not work shall not eat."  Let us try to analyze in detail the concept and the meaning of labor in the family.

First, I want to remind parents particularly about the following fact. Your child will be a member of a working society, consequently his significance in that society, his value as a citizen will depend exclusively on his being able to participate in social labor, how well prepared he is for this. On this will depend his material well-being and his welfare.

We know very well that all people are endowed by nature with almost the same work capacity, but that in life one works better than another, some can do only simple jobs, others more complicated and valuable work. These various work qualities were not given by nature but were developed during the course of their lives, particularly in youth.

So preparation for work is preparation: ... not only of a good or bad citizen, but also for a future standard of living and wellbeing.

Second, one may work because of need...in the history of man most work has been of this character, necessary to keep from dying of starvation. But even in olden times people tried to be not just man-power but creative power. Under conditions of class inequality and exploitation this was seldom achieved. In the Soviet Union all work must be creative work since it is for the creation of social wealth and culture. To teach children to work creatively - that is the task of the educator.

Creative work is possible only when man approaches it with love, consciously sees joy in it, understands its use and necessity, when work becomes for him a basic form of expression of his personality and talents. Such a relation to work is only possible when one has learned to work intensively, when no labor seems unpleasant if it makes sense.

Creative work is completely impossible for people who approach work with fear of exertion, of sweat, who stop to consider every step to see how soon they can get away from work and start something else.

Third, for man-power, not only a good worker but also a good comrade is needed. That is, a good relationship with other people must be developed - this will be real moral preparation. The man who tries to shirk, who uses the fruits of other's labor...is immoral in Soviet society. On the contrary, mutual work in the collective, constant helpfulness, is the only way one can create correct relations among people.....

Fourth, it is wrong to think that only muscular qualities sight, touch, manual skills - are to be developed....The physical element is necessary, of course....But it is spiritual development which gives rise to harmonious labor and should be characteristic of Soviet man, that which distinguishes the citizen of a classless society from the citizen of a class society.

Fifth, work has not only social-productive significance, it has also great significance for the life of the individual. We know how much more cheerfully and happily people live who know how to do many things, who succeed at everything, are not defeated by any obstacles and know how to master situations. On the contrary, we are sorry for those people for whom even the smallest difficulty becomes an impasse,  who cannot look after themselves and always need a nurse. They live under uncomfortable conditions,
disorganized and messy, if no one helps them...

It is incorrect to think that by work we mean only physical labor. With the development of machine production physical labor is gradually losing its importance. The Soviet government is trying to eliminate heavy physical work. We see this in construction of brick houses, in our factories... A real creative worker, a Stakhanovite, owes success least of all to his muscles. He organizes his success, adopts new methods...tools...new devices...

There should be no essential difference in Soviet training between physical and mental work. In both, the organization of manpower is most important, its real human aspect.

In work education, some task should be given the child that he can accomplish by using one method or another. This need not be completed in a short space of time but may take a month or even years. It is important that the child have freedom in choice of means and be responsible for fulfilling the job and for its quality. It is of little use to say, "Here is the broom, sweep the room this way." Better to entrust the
child with the task of keeping the room clean, let him decide how to do it. In the first case you are giving only a physical task; in the second, there is need for organization, thought. The more complicated and independent the task, the better from the pedagogic point of view...

Participation in the work of the family must begin at a very young age...Of course, the child must not be over-burdened with work - the work-load of parents and child should be very different ...if there is a domestic worker in the home, children must by all means be accustomed to helping her. Parents must see that the house worker does not do jobs which the children could and should do. (If mother and father are doing the work, enlist the children.)

Remember that when children are studying in school they are rather heavily burdened with homework. Of course, this must be considered very important and take first place. Children must be helped to understand that in school they are carrying out not only an individual but a social function and that they answer for success in school work not only to their parents but to society as a whole. On the other hand, it is wrong to let school work become so important that everything else is brushed aside. Separating children from the life and work of the family collective is dangerous. An atmosphere of collectivism, of mutual help, must always permeate family life...

The child should learn to carry out even tasks which seem boring to him at the moment, to understand that the important thing is not the entertaining quality of the work but its use, its necessity. Parents should develop patience and the ability to carry through unpleasant jobs without whimpering. According to the child's growth, if the social value of the work is clear to him, even unpleasant work will bring him joy.

If there is not enough interest or necessity to arouse the child's desire to work one may apply the method of request. A request...offers the child free choice... It should be made so that it seems to the child that he is fulfilling the request because of his own good will, not pushed into it... It is best to use the method of request only when you know that the child will willingly fulfill it....

It is true that in our country exploitation of man by man in production is impossible...0ur children must be brought up so that no taste for exploitation will be developed in them at home... Parents must be careful to see that an older brother does not use the labor of a younger except in mutual work so that there can be no work inequalities at home.

Now as to the quality of work. Demand the highest quality of work which it is possible for the child to achieve with his strength and understanding.

Do not scold or punish a child for bad work. Only say simply and quietly that the work has not been satisfactorily done, that it must be done over or corrected...We do not recommend either encouragement or punishment for work. The solution of a work-problem should give the child satisfaction...The consciousness of work well done should be enough reward. Your approval of his inventiveness and resourcefulness must be enough recompense. But be careful not to overdo your approval. Do not praise the child for his work in front of your friends or acquaintances... It is not necessary to punish a child for bad work or work incompleted. It is most important in such a case to see to it that the work is nevertheless completed.

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Lecture 5 The Family Economy

Lecture 5 

The Family Economy 

 
Every family has its economy. In distinction from bourgeois society, our family has only a work economy which cannot have exploitation of people as its aim. This economy may grow and increase not because some member of the family receives profits but only as a result of increased wages for someone in the family and by family economies... Our economy consists only of things for individual use, means of production can not be included since these, in our country, belong to all society...

Naturally, every family tries to improve its standard of living, but this we can do not by plundering
exploitation of other people but only by labor participation of members of the family in the general life and work of the whole Soviet people. Riches in our family do not depend as much on the strength of the family as on the successes of the entire country, on its victories on the economic and cultural front.  Every child, as member of a family, is to a degree a participant in the Soviet economy. Our children must, therefore, be brought up to be not only participants in the family economy but to be working citizens...Everyone will take part in the governmental economy and the better prepared a person is for this, the more useful it will be for all Soviet society and for himself...

Family economy is a fertile field for developing the dualities needed for a good working citizen and
manager...

Collectivism  

In simple terms, collectivism means the solidarity of man with society. Individualism is the opposite of collectivism. In some families, because of lack of attention to this question, children are brought up to be individualists. If a child from earliest childhood does not know where the family means come from, if he is to satisfy only his needs and does not notice the needs of other members of the family, if he fails to relate his family to all Soviet society, if he grows up greedy, demanding -- then he has been brought up an individualist. This may be harmful to him and to society...The child should know as young as possible where his parents work..., what they do, what they produce, and what use their product is to society. They should meet the parents' coworkers and hear about their work too...

It should be explained that the money parents bring home is not only something pleasant to spend, but something that has been earned by much socially useful work...

As the child grows up, they should tell him about projects in other parts of the country... If possible, the child should be shown the factory, the process of production should be explained.

If the mother does not work in industry or some institution, but as a housewife, the child must know about her work, respect it and understand that this kind of work too requires strength and effort.

Even a very young child should know about the family budget. He should know how much his parents earn and be involved in family discussions of finances...When the question of purchasing items of general use, such as a piano or radio are under consideration, he should be involved...

If the family is well-off the child must be taught to understand that wealth is no reason for
boasting...When there is a surplus, money should be spent not to satisfy the desires of the child alone but for the whole family. Better to buy books instead of an extra suit!

If the family is, for various reasons, having a hard time financially, one must see that the child does not envy other families. He should understand there is more to be proud of in the immediate struggle to improve living conditions than in having superfluous kopeks. In such a family one must develop the child's patience and ability to look forward toward the better future which is being prepared in our land, and the ability to share joyfully with his friends. Parents should never complain or whine in the child's presence but be cheerful and emphasize the bright side of things as they try to increase their earnings and so improve the family situation. Every improvement should be emphasized and pointed out...

Honesty  

Honesty does not fall from heaven! It has to be developed. Dishonesty can also be developed in the
family, it all depends on correct parental methods. What is honesty? It is an open, sincere attitude.
Dishonesty is secret, ... If the child asks for an apple, this is honest. If the desire is secret and he tries to take it without being seen - that is dishonest. If mother gives the child an apple and keeps it secret from the other children... she is developing a secretive attitude - consequently, dishonesty.

From earliest years, parents must teach children not to take anything without asking, even if it is in plain sight...Very precious things should not be hidden but the child should learn to treat them carefully... (This means that the family must be orderly)...

If the child has been sent to shop, ask for the change, check with him... Do this until the time when he has worked out strict rules of honesty. This checking must be done very tactfully so that the child will not think that he is somehow suspected.

Care  

...A good manager must learn to notice ahead of time what needs to be replaced or repaired, must learn to buy only what is really necessary, not buy casually what he sees in the stores or someone's home...Not all care is good....Our kind of care must be relaxed...the ability to choose what is needed...to look ahead. It must not be like greed. The child should display this care more in relation to other members of the family than to himself and especially in relation to things of general family use. In this care there is an important beginning of planning, foreseeing. Parents should teach their children to plan...from time to time, they should discuss various needs of the family and work out a plan for satisfying them.

Thrift  

This is one aspect of care. Care is manifested in the ideas and thoughts of man, thrift is manifested in his habits. One may be a very careful manager, yet have no habits of thrift. Such habits must be developed early. Even a young child should know how to eat without soiling the tablecloth or his clothes, know how to use things without spoiling or breaking them...This thrift must be applied not only to family things but those of others and especially to objects of general use. Never allow the child to be careless with things on the street, in the park, in the theater.

Responsibility  

Responsibility consists not only in the fact that a person fears punishment, but just in the fact that, without punishment, he feels uncomfortable if he spoils or destroys something. This is the kind of responsibility we must develop in the Soviet citizen and this is exactly why it is not necessary to punish a child or threaten punishment for spoiling things, but necessary that the child see for himself the harm he did by If the family is, for various reasons, having a hard time financially, one must see that the child does not envy other families. He should understand there is more to be proud of in the immediate struggle to improve living conditions than in having superfluous kopeks. In such a family one must develop the child's patience and ability to look forward toward the better future which is being prepared in our land, and the ability to share joyfully with his friends. Parents should never complain or whine in the child's presence but be cheerful and emphasize the bright side of things as they try to increase their earnings and so improve the family situation. Every improvement should be emphasized and pointed out...

Honesty  

Honesty does not fall from heaven! It has to be developed. Dishonesty can also be developed in the
family, it all depends on correct parental methods. What is honesty? It is an open, sincere attitude.
Dishonesty is secret, ... If the child asks for an apple, this is honest. If the desire is secret and he tries to take it without being seen - that is dishonest. If mother gives the child an apple and keeps it secret from the other children... she is developing a secretive attitude - consequently, dishonesty.

From earliest years, parents must teach children not to take anything without asking, even if it is in plain sight...Very precious things should not be hidden but the child should learn to treat them carefully... (This means that the family must be orderly)...

If the child has been sent to shop, ask for the change, check with him... Do this until the time when he has worked out strict rules of honesty. This checking must be done very tactfully so that the child will not think that he is somehow suspected.

Care  

...A good manager must learn to notice ahead of time what needs to be replaced or repaired, must learn to buy only what is really necessary, not buy casually what he sees in the stores or someone's home...Not all care is good....Our kind of care must be relaxed...the ability to choose what is needed...to look ahead. It must not be like greed. The child should display this care more in relation to other members of the family than to himself and especially in relation to things of general family use. In this care there is an important beginning of planning, foreseeing. Parents should teach their children to plan...from time to time, they should discuss various needs of the family and work out a plan for satisfying them.

Thrift  

This is one aspect of care. Care is manifested in the ideas and thoughts of man, thrift is manifested in his habits. One may be a very careful manager, yet have no habits of thrift. Such habits must be developed early. Even a young child should know how to eat without soiling the tablecloth or his clothes, know how to use things without spoiling or breaking them...This thrift must be applied not only to family things but those of others and especially to objects of general use. Never allow the child to be careless with things on the street, in the park, in the theater.

Responsibility  

Responsibility consists not only in the fact that a person fears punishment, but just in the fact that, without punishment, he feels uncomfortable if he spoils or destroys something. This is the kind of responsibility we must develop in the Soviet citizen and this is exactly why it is not necessary to punish a child or threaten punishment for spoiling things, but necessary that the child see for himself the harm he did by carelessness and that he be sorry for it. It is necessary, of course, to tell the child about it, to explain the result of his carelessness. But it will be most useful if the child feels the results through his own experience. If the child breaks a toy, for example, do not hurry to buy a new one and do not throw it away. Let it be in sight and in need of repair for some time. Father or mother should discuss the repair of the toy so that the child will see that he has given trouble to his parents and that they are more careful with his toys than he is... If there is a correct collective tone in the family, it will not be hard to develop a feeling of responsibility in the child.

Ability to Orient Oneself  

...What is this ability? It consists in knowing how to see and to understand all the details in a given
situation. If a man is doing something, he must not forget that behind him are on the other side of him are people who are also busy. It is not possible to orient oneself if the person is only accustomed to see what is before his eyes and not to see or feel what is being accomplished around him...When doing one task, the child must not forget all his other business and the people around him... To develop this ability, it is useful to give the child not only one order but two or three, to give combinations of directions... This ability is developed by continual exercises in housekeeping chores, in knowing all the details and aspects
of housekeeping.

Organizational Ability  

This is needed to carry out long-term jobs in the family... Even seven year olds, often even younger
children, should be given very long-term tasks, for example watering the flowers, keeping the books in order, feeding the cat, looking after younger brother. The matter of spending money is very
important....Every family should give the child some independence in spending money for the satisfaction of his own and, in some cases, the family needs. Once or twice a month he should be given a definite sum of money with exact indication of what it should be spent for. The list of such expenditures should depend on the age of the child...For a boy of 14, for example, the list might consist of buying notebooks, carfare, buying soap and toothpowder for the family, money for movies for himself and his younger brother. The older the child the more complicated the list.

One must see that the boy or girl carries out the task, not misuing or wasting money for pleasure and not for the business assigned... Sometimes the child does not take his responsibility seriously enough...Then simply talk with him, call attention to his mistake and advise him to correct it. In any case, do not bore the child with continual checking...even more with continual suspicion.

Every parent can find many varied exercises for training his children to be good managers...The family economy should be organized collectively, quietly, and in a disciplined manner so that there will be no unnecessary tension or whining and so that there will be a cheerful, friendly striving to better the life of the family.

So the family economy is the place to develop: collectivism, (i.e., real solidarity with the work and
interest of other people, with the interest of society as a whole); honesty (i.e., an open sincere attitude toward people and things); care and thrift, responsibility, the ability to organize and to orient oneself. The family economy must be the economy of a collective and be handled quietly, without tension.
 
 

Lecture 4 - PLAY

Play has the same significance for the child that activity, work and service have for the adult....As children are in play, so by and large, they will be in work when they grow up...

There is really no great difference between work and play. Good play is like good work, bad play is like bad work.....Every type of good play requires physical and intellectual effort. If you buy the child a mechanical mouse you may wind it up all day; the child may look at it -- in this sort of play there is nothing good! The child is passive. If your child is occupied only with such games he will grow up without initiative, not accustomed to undertake new tasks or work, or to overcome difficulties. Play without effort, play without activity, is bad play. In this respect, play is very like work.

Play brings the child happiness. This will be creative happiness, or joy in achievement or aesthetic pleasure...and here is a resemblance to good work...

How does play differ from work? ...Work is the participation of man in social production, in the creation of material, cultural or social values... Play has only an indirect relation to social goals...

Parents often make mistakes in guiding play. Some of them are simply not interested or think that children know best how to play. Other parents pay attention to their children's play, too much so! They interfere, point out, discuss, set problems in games and resolve them before the child does - they are enjoying themselves! ... If the child builds something and has difficulty, father or mother sit down beside
him and say, "Don't do it that way. Look, this is how you should do it..." The child can only listen and imitate. He gets used to the idea very early that only grown-ups know how to do everything well. Such children grow up with a lack of confidence in their own strength and fear of failure...

Some parents think the most important thing is to have a quantity of toys. They spend a great deal of money and shower the child until the children's corner is like a toy store! Children at best become collectors of playthings and at worst, go from one toy to another without any interest, play without enthusiasm, break and spoil their toys and demand new ones...

Children's play passes through several stages of development and each demands a special kind of guidance. The first phase is play indoors with toys. This continues until about five or six years of age when the second stage begins. This first period is characterized by the fact that the child prefers to play alone or, rarely, with one or two friends. He loves to play with his own toys rather than with strange ones. This is the very time when the individual capacities of the child are developing. There is no need to fear that because he plays alone the child will grow egotistical. He must be given the chance to play alone! The child is not yet able to play in a group, often quarrels with comrades, does not know how to find collective interests. Give him freedom for this individual play; there is no need to force companions on
him. This only destroys his play mood, makes him nervous... The better the child plays alone when he is young, the better he will be later with companions. At this age the child is aggressive and in a certain sense is a "property-owner." Playing alone the child develops his own abilities, his imagination -- skill in building, organizing, and this is useful...

For some children earlier, and others later, an interest in friends, in group play, begins to appear...One must help the child to make this rather difficult change...it is good if an older child in the yard helps to organize the little ones...This second stage is harder to guide, for the child is now in a broader social arena. This stage continues to the age of 11 or 12, including part of the school period. School brings a wider circle of friends and interests... the child is already a member of society but a child society of social control and discipline.

School helps them to reach the third stage... at this stage they are members of the collective, not only for play but for study and work. Now play becomes sport... collective discipline appears.  At all three stages the parent's influence is of great importance...

In guiding children's play it is important:
•  to see that the child is really playing, creating, building, combining;
•  to see that the child does not go from one thing to another without carrying through his activities to completion;
•  to see that each plaything has value and is cherished. There should always be order, cleanliness, in playland. The child should not break toys, should love them.....(But he should not suffer too long either if they are spoiled or broken.)....

If the child is in difficulties or if the play is uninteresting, give him help; set up some interesting problem, bring new material or play with him... When the child goes outdoors and meets groups of youngsters, parents should know what kind of children these are and how they play... The care and initiative of one of the mothers or fathers will often help to change the life of a whole group of children for the better.  At this second stage, the relation among parents of the children is important... Sometimes every parent may be dissatisfied with the children's outdoor activities yet not discuss it or consider how they may improve matters...and this is not at all hard to do. At this stage the children are already organized in something like a collective; it would be a very good thing if their parents gave them organized guidance.

At this stage children often quarrel and complain about each other. It is a great mistake for parents to take sides with their children quickly and get into quarrels with parents of the offender. Even if your child comes to you in tears, hurt and angry, do not rush to attack the offender and his parents. Quietly question your son or daughter and try to get a clear picture of what happened. Guilt is seldom all on one side. Probably your child lost his temper, too. Explain that it is always necessary and possible to find a peaceful solution to conflicts. Try to reconcile your child with his "enemy" - invite him to your home as a guest, talk with him, get acquainted with his parents, clear up the affair.

The most important thing is that you see not only your own child but the whole group of youngsters and that you and other parents cooperate in bringing them all up... Let the child see that you are not carried away by family patriotism, but activated by social motives; then he will see in your behavior an example for his own.

Later, at the third stage, leadership of play is in the hands of the school or sport organization. Parents, however, can exert a good influence on the child's character... They must see that sport does not become an all-absorbing concern for the child and they should develop other types of activity... They must stimulate pride not only in personal success but in the success of the team or group.

Boastfulness must be checked. Educate the child to respect his antagonist's strength, to pay attention to training, organization and discipline on his team. Teach him to be calm in victory or defeat. At this period of the child's development it is a good thing for parents to be intimately acquainted with his comrades on the team or in the sports club. Parents must see that play does not absorb the child's whole spiritual life but that, at the same time, his work habits are developing correctly.

To sum up:  

•  Play has great significance in human life, it is preparation for work and must gradually change to work.  

•  Many parents do not give enough attention to guiding play and either leave the child entirely to himself or surround his play with too much care and too many toys.  

•  Parents should apply different methods at different stages of play but always give the child the chance for independence and correct development of his capabilities, not refusing to help in difficult situations.  

•  In the second and third stages one must guide not play as much as relations among children and to their collective.